Post by The.Pale.Emperor on Dec 22, 2017 21:34:25 GMT
I was born into a JW family in the mid 1980s in Liverpool, England. My parents came into "the truth" in the 1970s. My mum came from a very poor family and my dad was a carpenter. They had 5 kids (including me) so money was tight. I had a happy childhood but my only friends were my JW family. The elders in my congregation coincidentally all had very good jobs. Their kids were all friends and they all did stuff together: parties, holidays, trips out - of course non of the non-elder kids were included in any of these. I didnt think much of it at the time, but when i was about 17/18 i did. The parties id go to were us JW teens would meet up were kind of exclusive. I managed to get around quite well simply because a lot of the boys wanted to date my sisters so they'd take me along. Anyway, in these parties there'd be the popular elders kids who of were a lot more worldly than i ever was, and more so than some of my worldly work colleagues. I told myself that im sure they'll come to their senses and i should keep trying hard to meet the standard of their popularity contest.
My dad was serving as a Min Servant. He was a very humble and private man. When he got cancer he got sicker and sicker and asked to come off as a Min Servant. The following Thursday, an elder gets up onto the platform and announces: "This is to announce that Brother XXXX is no longer a ministerial servant". As he walks back to his seat there's murmuring and tutting from the gossipers and backbiters. My dad wasnt there that day, he was too busy taking his morphine on a drip in his bed. Years later i'd discover by an elders daughter that has now left, that many in the congregation thought he was taken off because he was an adulterer. Which is completely the opposite of what my father was. A man who gave 30 odd years of his life to that organization.
Fast forward a few more years. At 21yo i enter a 3 year relationship with an elders daughter. The very first time i go to their home he sits me down with a bible and gives me a list of things we're not allowed to so (some of which were new to me and just gave me ideas!). Then he ask's if im a Ministerial Servant. I said no. He then asked why (?!?!). Turns out this elder is "one of the anointed" even though he's only 50yo and i thought they were all chosen in 1914. I didnt say anything. Later i found out that sometimes he doesn't think he is and other times he's sure he is, so every couple of memorials he doesn't partake of the bread and wine and other years he does.
3 years later im no longer with this girl. THE VERY DAY we break up she's out on a date with a Min Servant. They're no married.
Then i meet another girl, another elders daughter. This would prove to be the biggest mistake of my life. They seems like such a nice family. All their friends are elder families. "I thought to myself: This is it! I've reached the top!"
We went on a holiday together, us, my wifes family and 2 other elders families. Sitting round the dinner table the elders start talking about brother so-and-so and what he's done, why sister so-and-so is now disfellowshipped and even talking trash about other members of the congregation. This is while their wives and children are sitting there. I'll never forget when my father in law said "yeah, the judicial with so-and-so went ahead. We could see he was repentant... but we disfellowshipped him anyway." <they all laugh>.
So after we're married it turns out that daddy elder knows everything... and i mean EVERYTHING about our marriage. Anything i do he know about, no matter how trivial. If we miss a meeting we get a phonecall asking why we wernt there. If we miss a ministry day we get a phonecall asking why. My wife then begins to tell daddy elder what music is on my ipod. I get a visit from "concerned" elders. He also gets to know that i know a lot about other religions because i find it interesting. I get another visit from "concerned elders" asking why have i bothered reading The Book Of Mormon? The Koran? The Bagavad Gita? Buddhist writings? I reply with "well, they're quoted in our WT's sometimes, so somebody in bethel must have read them too in order to quote from them. And also, how can i preach to other faiths if im ignorant of their beliefs?". I was promptly removed from microphone privileges and sound desk.
Anyway. After a few years of having to hind mundane things from my wife because her dad and the elders might know i start getting annoyed about it. I cant open up to her about anything i think of.
Now comes the kicker... my wife comes home from a night-shift from work one day and goes straight to bed acting strange. Later in the day, im looking after some children for a friend and he calls me crying down the phone. She tells me she wasn't really at work she was in a hotel room with another man. An elder from another hall. An elder older than her father. It turns out, my wife had just found out she is pregnant. She confides in an elder at her workplace because she's worried about the future. This elder "kindly" advises they should keep in touch via txt but in private. Then later they end up in a hotel room "so they can talk in private". They ended up having sex. So she told me the whole story. The elder tried to keep her from telling me, warning her "if you tell your husband it will ruin your life".
Anyway, i forgave her. She was disfellowshipped and because she had absolutely no friends outside "the truth" she went through an entire pregnancy 100% alone. No friends, me at work. I'd come home after work and she'd be sitting in the dark crying. She'd been there all day. In her judicial committee i saw first hand how the Watchtower lies to it's members. The JWs are told that people are only disfellowshipped for their attitude for what they've done. In my wifes case, she confessed literally as soon as she got back from fucking this guy. She was distraught. The elders said "we know you're repentant, but we must disfellowship you to set an example to the congregation".
So after all of this im thinking "my wife was sorry. she confessed the next day. i forgave her. she's pregnant and alone and scared." i couldn't understand why they were happy to leave her that way. We didn't drive, so sometimes people would drive past her in the rain while she was 9 months pregnant struggling to get to the hall - desperate to be reinstated.
She's now reinstated. But nothing we did is ever good enough. We'd get random "shepherding visits" telling us we need to do more. We had a baby and so our ministry dropped. We were constantly left out of any social gathering, group and conversation. I felt totally alone, despite JW's claiming to be one big family. Also, i didn't see the point in completing ministry reports, seeing no scriptural basis for it.
So, just to be a rebel, I GREW A BEARD!! So they removed my "privileges". I wasn't allowed to hold the microphone, asked to stand on attendance or anything since. I was asked why i have a beard. Why dont i shave it off? What are you trying to prove? You are fashioning yourself after the world. I, very politely, agreed to shave it off if they show me a picture of Jesus or any apostle beardless.
So I started posting on exJW forums like Jehovahs-Witness.com. That site was a lifeline to me, it was like my therapy. People were there for me and understood what i was going through and helped me without telling me what to do.
My wife, suffering from OCD, anxiety and depression was sectioned a few times throughout our marriage. The last time she was sectioned she was in hospital for about 3 months and i was looking after our child alone, which i actually really enjoyed. It was such a relief not having to live with an OCD person. We actually had zero sex life apart from the time our child was conceived. There i was, a 20 somthing guy with a young wife and we hadnt had sex in 6 years. Eventually, I started resorting to porn to function normally. One day my sister in law was looking after my child while i was at work. She went on my computer and had a snoop. She saw my internet history of "apostate" sites and the things i'd written. She took pictures and reported me to the elders.
An elder called me on my way home from work. He asked me "does the name "_________" mean anything to you?" After a pause he continued "we know you've been on an apostate site. It's been reported to us. We've read what you've written on there. It's disgusting. You should know better..." etc etc etc. So, because i no longer believed the religion anyway i written my disassociation letter and mailed it to the presiding overseer.
I was bombarded with calls by elders but i didnt answer them. At one point I had 46 missed calls in a single day of different elders. I also received emails and texts imploring me to call them. I never did. During this my wife fearing i've become an apostate leaves me and moves in with her parents. Her dads an elder. After just one day her behavior has changed. Before this came out she agreed with most of what i was saying about this being a captive religion, you cant leave with your reputation in tact etc. NOW she's parroting things WT magazines have been saying. A clear sign she's being influenced by her parents (because my wife has very little JW knowledge, she just agrees with everyone else).
My mother and sisters were distraught that i disassociated and begged me to speak to and elder. My reply was also the same "i dont believe any elder is any more scriptural aware than anyone else", "i dont recognize the authority of that body". The emails kept coming. One elder who i though was ok was very persistent. Eventually i decided to meet with him in a pub to put an end to them all nagging me. Among other things he told me disassociating is a cowardly thing to do, and just go to the judicial and "play the game". So... stupidly, i did.
The judicial came around and it lasted for about 3 hours. The first hour or so was them trying to get me to say "you have the truth and i want to come back". But the conversation was actually me saying "i cant teach what i know to be a lie", "the stuff Rutherford taught is pretty much all obsolete now", "the 1914 teaching is flawed" etc etc.
In the end one of them (the one known for his no-bullshit approach) said "well that doesnt matter now, all's that matters is do you believe Jehovah is God and Jesus is his son?" i said yes. He said "right then, we can continue with the judicial".
After about 2 hours they picked away at my "apostasy" and how disassociating is worse than a death and eventually they disfellowshipped me. The same speil about "if you want to come back do this, this and this etc".
For the first 4 weeks i still attended meetings. Simply because my young daughter was there. During the meetings i'd use their wifi to go on JWFacts.com after a few weeks i thought to myself "what am i doing?! I could spend this time in bed or doing something fun". So i stopped attending meetings and i've never set foot in a Kingdom Hall again. And i never will. I still believed in god at this point, so i decided to read the whole bible from beginning to end. Now the NWT bible, but a REAL translation. I highlighted scriptures i thought were comforting, and ones that i didnt understand and i looked those up in bible encyclopedias (non Watchtower ones). I came away from it with a whole new understanding. What i saw was a mass of contradiction and a genocidal god. Then i read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins and came away from that book an atheist. I read it with an honest, open mind and looked up the references for the things he was saying.
All in all im a lot happier since i've left. It's been 2 years now and i've since moved house, traveled, made up for lost time when it comes to dating and stuff. Tried things i always wanted to try when i was a JW that we wasnt allowed to. And im a very happy atheist. My ex-wife now no longer believes the religion either but she's finding it hard to leave because her dad is an elder in her congregation and calls her up whenever she misses a meeting.
Life is good. I live life on my own terms and will never look back. Sure, i have no family but i've made a new family and REAL friends that will never shun me.
My dad was serving as a Min Servant. He was a very humble and private man. When he got cancer he got sicker and sicker and asked to come off as a Min Servant. The following Thursday, an elder gets up onto the platform and announces: "This is to announce that Brother XXXX is no longer a ministerial servant". As he walks back to his seat there's murmuring and tutting from the gossipers and backbiters. My dad wasnt there that day, he was too busy taking his morphine on a drip in his bed. Years later i'd discover by an elders daughter that has now left, that many in the congregation thought he was taken off because he was an adulterer. Which is completely the opposite of what my father was. A man who gave 30 odd years of his life to that organization.
Fast forward a few more years. At 21yo i enter a 3 year relationship with an elders daughter. The very first time i go to their home he sits me down with a bible and gives me a list of things we're not allowed to so (some of which were new to me and just gave me ideas!). Then he ask's if im a Ministerial Servant. I said no. He then asked why (?!?!). Turns out this elder is "one of the anointed" even though he's only 50yo and i thought they were all chosen in 1914. I didnt say anything. Later i found out that sometimes he doesn't think he is and other times he's sure he is, so every couple of memorials he doesn't partake of the bread and wine and other years he does.
3 years later im no longer with this girl. THE VERY DAY we break up she's out on a date with a Min Servant. They're no married.
Then i meet another girl, another elders daughter. This would prove to be the biggest mistake of my life. They seems like such a nice family. All their friends are elder families. "I thought to myself: This is it! I've reached the top!"
We went on a holiday together, us, my wifes family and 2 other elders families. Sitting round the dinner table the elders start talking about brother so-and-so and what he's done, why sister so-and-so is now disfellowshipped and even talking trash about other members of the congregation. This is while their wives and children are sitting there. I'll never forget when my father in law said "yeah, the judicial with so-and-so went ahead. We could see he was repentant... but we disfellowshipped him anyway." <they all laugh>.
So after we're married it turns out that daddy elder knows everything... and i mean EVERYTHING about our marriage. Anything i do he know about, no matter how trivial. If we miss a meeting we get a phonecall asking why we wernt there. If we miss a ministry day we get a phonecall asking why. My wife then begins to tell daddy elder what music is on my ipod. I get a visit from "concerned" elders. He also gets to know that i know a lot about other religions because i find it interesting. I get another visit from "concerned elders" asking why have i bothered reading The Book Of Mormon? The Koran? The Bagavad Gita? Buddhist writings? I reply with "well, they're quoted in our WT's sometimes, so somebody in bethel must have read them too in order to quote from them. And also, how can i preach to other faiths if im ignorant of their beliefs?". I was promptly removed from microphone privileges and sound desk.
Anyway. After a few years of having to hind mundane things from my wife because her dad and the elders might know i start getting annoyed about it. I cant open up to her about anything i think of.
Now comes the kicker... my wife comes home from a night-shift from work one day and goes straight to bed acting strange. Later in the day, im looking after some children for a friend and he calls me crying down the phone. She tells me she wasn't really at work she was in a hotel room with another man. An elder from another hall. An elder older than her father. It turns out, my wife had just found out she is pregnant. She confides in an elder at her workplace because she's worried about the future. This elder "kindly" advises they should keep in touch via txt but in private. Then later they end up in a hotel room "so they can talk in private". They ended up having sex. So she told me the whole story. The elder tried to keep her from telling me, warning her "if you tell your husband it will ruin your life".
Anyway, i forgave her. She was disfellowshipped and because she had absolutely no friends outside "the truth" she went through an entire pregnancy 100% alone. No friends, me at work. I'd come home after work and she'd be sitting in the dark crying. She'd been there all day. In her judicial committee i saw first hand how the Watchtower lies to it's members. The JWs are told that people are only disfellowshipped for their attitude for what they've done. In my wifes case, she confessed literally as soon as she got back from fucking this guy. She was distraught. The elders said "we know you're repentant, but we must disfellowship you to set an example to the congregation".
So after all of this im thinking "my wife was sorry. she confessed the next day. i forgave her. she's pregnant and alone and scared." i couldn't understand why they were happy to leave her that way. We didn't drive, so sometimes people would drive past her in the rain while she was 9 months pregnant struggling to get to the hall - desperate to be reinstated.
She's now reinstated. But nothing we did is ever good enough. We'd get random "shepherding visits" telling us we need to do more. We had a baby and so our ministry dropped. We were constantly left out of any social gathering, group and conversation. I felt totally alone, despite JW's claiming to be one big family. Also, i didn't see the point in completing ministry reports, seeing no scriptural basis for it.
So, just to be a rebel, I GREW A BEARD!! So they removed my "privileges". I wasn't allowed to hold the microphone, asked to stand on attendance or anything since. I was asked why i have a beard. Why dont i shave it off? What are you trying to prove? You are fashioning yourself after the world. I, very politely, agreed to shave it off if they show me a picture of Jesus or any apostle beardless.
So I started posting on exJW forums like Jehovahs-Witness.com. That site was a lifeline to me, it was like my therapy. People were there for me and understood what i was going through and helped me without telling me what to do.
My wife, suffering from OCD, anxiety and depression was sectioned a few times throughout our marriage. The last time she was sectioned she was in hospital for about 3 months and i was looking after our child alone, which i actually really enjoyed. It was such a relief not having to live with an OCD person. We actually had zero sex life apart from the time our child was conceived. There i was, a 20 somthing guy with a young wife and we hadnt had sex in 6 years. Eventually, I started resorting to porn to function normally. One day my sister in law was looking after my child while i was at work. She went on my computer and had a snoop. She saw my internet history of "apostate" sites and the things i'd written. She took pictures and reported me to the elders.
An elder called me on my way home from work. He asked me "does the name "_________" mean anything to you?" After a pause he continued "we know you've been on an apostate site. It's been reported to us. We've read what you've written on there. It's disgusting. You should know better..." etc etc etc. So, because i no longer believed the religion anyway i written my disassociation letter and mailed it to the presiding overseer.
I was bombarded with calls by elders but i didnt answer them. At one point I had 46 missed calls in a single day of different elders. I also received emails and texts imploring me to call them. I never did. During this my wife fearing i've become an apostate leaves me and moves in with her parents. Her dads an elder. After just one day her behavior has changed. Before this came out she agreed with most of what i was saying about this being a captive religion, you cant leave with your reputation in tact etc. NOW she's parroting things WT magazines have been saying. A clear sign she's being influenced by her parents (because my wife has very little JW knowledge, she just agrees with everyone else).
My mother and sisters were distraught that i disassociated and begged me to speak to and elder. My reply was also the same "i dont believe any elder is any more scriptural aware than anyone else", "i dont recognize the authority of that body". The emails kept coming. One elder who i though was ok was very persistent. Eventually i decided to meet with him in a pub to put an end to them all nagging me. Among other things he told me disassociating is a cowardly thing to do, and just go to the judicial and "play the game". So... stupidly, i did.
The judicial came around and it lasted for about 3 hours. The first hour or so was them trying to get me to say "you have the truth and i want to come back". But the conversation was actually me saying "i cant teach what i know to be a lie", "the stuff Rutherford taught is pretty much all obsolete now", "the 1914 teaching is flawed" etc etc.
In the end one of them (the one known for his no-bullshit approach) said "well that doesnt matter now, all's that matters is do you believe Jehovah is God and Jesus is his son?" i said yes. He said "right then, we can continue with the judicial".
After about 2 hours they picked away at my "apostasy" and how disassociating is worse than a death and eventually they disfellowshipped me. The same speil about "if you want to come back do this, this and this etc".
For the first 4 weeks i still attended meetings. Simply because my young daughter was there. During the meetings i'd use their wifi to go on JWFacts.com after a few weeks i thought to myself "what am i doing?! I could spend this time in bed or doing something fun". So i stopped attending meetings and i've never set foot in a Kingdom Hall again. And i never will. I still believed in god at this point, so i decided to read the whole bible from beginning to end. Now the NWT bible, but a REAL translation. I highlighted scriptures i thought were comforting, and ones that i didnt understand and i looked those up in bible encyclopedias (non Watchtower ones). I came away from it with a whole new understanding. What i saw was a mass of contradiction and a genocidal god. Then i read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins and came away from that book an atheist. I read it with an honest, open mind and looked up the references for the things he was saying.
All in all im a lot happier since i've left. It's been 2 years now and i've since moved house, traveled, made up for lost time when it comes to dating and stuff. Tried things i always wanted to try when i was a JW that we wasnt allowed to. And im a very happy atheist. My ex-wife now no longer believes the religion either but she's finding it hard to leave because her dad is an elder in her congregation and calls her up whenever she misses a meeting.
Life is good. I live life on my own terms and will never look back. Sure, i have no family but i've made a new family and REAL friends that will never shun me.